When I find myself stuck in the wrong story, I still try to make things work with the people I’m surrounded with. I still try to close the gap and break the walls that separate me from them. I still try to patch the holes in our broken relationships.
But sometimes, I reach a point when I grow tired of trying to seal what’s broken. I grow tired of being frustrated, angry, and upset.
When things get out of control, the easiest alternative I see is to leave and walk away. Because I don’t see the point in repairing a bond that is slowly sinking. I don’t see the reason to stay when every day my feelings are getting hurt. I don’t see why I should not quit, and start somewhere else.
In the process of walking away, I tend to hurt people, too. I act like their feelings don’t matter to me. I act like they deserve to be in pain as well. I act like all along I am the victim, and everyone else is the villain.
Eventually I realize I’m wrong, and selfish. And I apologize.
I apologize to everyone I left behind. I apologize to everyone I offended, and wounded.
I am sorry for saying what was on my mind without considering whether my argument would make someone go home with a swelling heart. I am sorry for letting down everyone who believed in my potentials. I am sorry that I still chose to leave, even though a lot of people were rooting for me to stay.
I have learned that the choices we make in our lives bring us exactly to where we are right now. I have learned that whether we make the right decision or the bad one, in the end, it teaches us to become stronger and wiser.
I have learned that time is always our number one best friend. Time helps us to heal all our wounds. Time allows us to grow in our own ways.
I realize now that I can’t completely move forward in my life if I still hang on to the bitterness that I carried from my past.
And so I have forgiven everyone I walked away from. I have forgiven myself. And I hope that you have forgiven me, too.
I hope that one day we can all come up to the conclusion that the direction everyone was expecting me to take was different from what I wanted for myself. I hope that one day, when we all look back, we remember each other for all the great times we shared, rather than the horrible ones. I hope that one day our paths will intersect, and by then I wish that we can be friends.
I have wholeheartedly accepted the place and situation that I am in right now. Slowly by slowly, I am beginning to bring back my happiness and my confidence. Slowly by slowly, my life is starting to unfold, and bring me closer to where my dreams want me to be.
I have learned to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong. Because there is nothing sweeter than living with a light heart that is free from guilt and anger.
There is nothing better than to let go.
I have found the light that leads me to my purpose. I have found the voice that I can use to inspire people. I have found the reason to live a life that I can be proud of.
And by forgiving, I think I can genuinely smile again, starting today.